Some of the most important decisions a family will need to make are the most difficult, such as moving a loved one to a memory care community. It’s a financially, logistically, and emotionally strenuous choice. And there’s usually no one singular moment when you know it’s time.
Instead, you may notice a slow series of changes. Your mom struggles to keep track of her medications and starts mistaking you for other people from her past. Your father gets lost driving home from a familiar place, and he’s prone to random outbursts that feel out of character.
Though you may be tempted to wait for a major incident before considering the move to memory care, the wisest course of action often involves exploring your options and starting the conversation before a crisis. With a decision this significant, you want enough time to make a thoughtful decision.
So, when is the right time for memory care? It depends on each individual, but there are several signs that it may be time to consider whether your loved one’s living situation is safe and manageable.
What Is Memory Care?
Memory care is a specialized form of long-term care and housing for people with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, and other forms of memory loss.
The specific services offered within memory care communities may vary, but in general, memory care facilities provide a structured environment with assistance from staff trained to deal with residents’ complex and changing needs.
Depending on the community and a resident’s individual care plan, there are a few kinds of basic support they can expect to receive in memory care:
- Medication management
- Help with personal care
- Meal plans
- Housekeeping
- Therapeutic activities, such as physical or speech therapy
- Social programs and activities, like faith-based activities, arts and crafts, and games
- Assistance with daily routines
Since people with memory loss conditions can be prone to wandering, memory care units often come with enhanced security features, such as doors that only unlock with set codes and enclosed outdoor spaces that let residents get fresh air while remaining safe.
In addition to security measures, many memory care facilities include design choices to enhance residents’ comfort and ease, like putting residents’ photos beside the doors to their rooms so they won’t get lost.
Signs Your Loved One May Need Memory Care
There’s no official checklist to determine when your loved one should be moved to a memory care community. Like the many families who’ve been in this same position, you’ll need to assess the bigger picture. There are a few significant changes that may indicate you should start exploring additional support for your loved one.
Safety Is Becoming a Concern
Someone with memory loss can forget to turn off the stove or leave their doors unlocked. Even if they’ve successfully managed their own medications in the past, they might start taking the wrong dose or accidentally take the same medication more than once in a day. They might also forget to take their medications altogether.
In some instances, they could wander outside and become lost, frightened, and confused.
Many families consider memory care for their loved one because safety has become a major concern. Though one incident doesn’t necessarily mean you need to transition your loved one to a memory care community immediately, repeated safety concerns can be a sign that living independently is becoming harder for them to manage.
Everyday Tasks Are Becoming More Difficult
Memory loss can eventually affect much more than your loved one’s ability to remember names or appointments. Tasks that they once performed automatically may require reminders or even hands-on assistance.
Pay attention to changes in how frequently and accurately your loved one can perform some basic tasks of living independently:
- Bathing and personal hygiene
- Getting dressed appropriately
- Preparing and eating meals
- Managing medications
- Using the phone or other household technology
- Keeping up with household chores
- Paying bills or managing finances
If a loved one is struggling with several of these tasks, it’s worth talking to their doctor about your observations and concerns. Together, you and your loved one’s medical provider can start a dialogue about the type of care that would give them the appropriate level of support.
Living Alone Isn’t Working as Well as It Used To
You enter your grandmother’s once-pristine kitchen and notice the smell of food spoiling in the fridge and dishes gathered in the sink. Your father, who took such pride in never being late, has started missing appointments and forgetting to pay his bills. And your mother, always the social butterfly in retirement, has started isolating herself.
Observing these changes in your loved one can be disorienting, even painful, but they’re not necessarily signs that your loved one needs to leave their home for memory care. Sometimes, getting in-home care and other forms of support can be appropriate. However, if you have to continuously scale up the level of help needed to keep them at home, transitioning them to memory care may become the safer, more practical option.
Cognitive or Behavioral Changes Are Increasing
Living with Alzheimer’s, dementia, or memory loss can cause changes in a person’s mood, behavior, and ability to navigate everyday situations.
Your loved one might start getting confused about familiar routines or have trouble adjusting when plans change. They might repeatedly ask the same questions or become increasingly anxious or agitated. It’s also common for people to get frustrated when they can’t remember something.
When these changes increase in frequency and intensity, life can become challenging for your loved one and their family and caregivers.
Caregiving Has Become Unsustainable
It’s easy to focus entirely on the needs of the person with Alzheimer’s or dementia when deciding whether memory care is appropriate. But the well-being of family caregivers matters, too.
Whether you’re a spouse, adult child, or other family member who wants to take care of your loved one as long as you can, you should understand that it’s natural to be overwhelmed by the requirements of caregiving. Though you may tell yourself you can handle it all, constantly managing medications, preparing meals, providing transportation, checking in throughout the day, or responding to emergencies is a lot to deal with — on top of managing your own life.
And that is nothing to blame yourself for. If caregiving has become a 24-hour, seven-day-a-week responsibility or if it’s started impacting your own health, work, sleep, or relationships, it’s perfectly reasonable to consider memory care for your loved one.
Choosing memory care isn’t a failure to care for someone. Sometimes, moving a loved one into a setting where they can receive consistent support is the best way to make sure everyone is getting the help they need.
Does Your Loved One Need an Official Diagnosis to Enter Memory Care?
Not necessarily. Whether you need a medical diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease or dementia for your loved one before considering memory care depends on the admission requirements of the memory care community.
However, if you’ve noticed significant changes in your loved one’s memory, behavior, or ability to manage everyday tasks, it’s still important to talk with their healthcare provider. Memory problems can have several possible causes, and a medical evaluation can help determine what’s happening and whether there are underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Meanwhile, you can begin touring communities and asking about their services as well as their admission requirements so that you’re prepared if and when your loved one’s needs change. In Washington state, memory care facilities must produce, in writing, a list of the kinds of care and services they offer. You should assess this list against what you and your loved one’s medical provider think they need.
One thing to note: Every facility also requires a preadmission assessment before your loved one can transition into memory care, barring an emergency. Within two weeks after moving your loved one into the memory care unit, the facility will do a more detailed assessment. If your loved one has been admitted under emergency circumstances, that assessment will occur within five days. Medical professionals who work for the facility will typically perform these assessments, which are meant to ensure the community is a good fit and develop a more personalized care or service plan.
Questions to Ask When Considering Memory Care
If you’re beginning to explore memory care for a loved one, it can help to avoid dramatic thinking about whether someone is “bad enough” to need it. Instead, consider the kinds of support that would improve their day-to-day life.
You don’t want to go on general hunches like, “Huh, Mom’s memory seems to be getting worse,” or become hyperfocused on every small detail of their daily lives. Ask yourself a series of questions about your loved one’s well-being — and not just once, so you can see if the answers change over time:
- Is my loved one safe living alone?
- Can they manage medications appropriately?
- Are they eating regular, nutritious meals?
- Can they manage personal hygiene without assistance?
- Are they able to respond appropriately in an emergency?
- How much help are family members providing each week?
- Is caregiving becoming difficult to sustain?
- Has my loved one become increasingly isolated?
- Would more structure and social engagement benefit them?
- What happens if their care needs increase?
There may not be a clear yes or no answer to every question. That’s okay. Your goal here is to understand where your loved one is now and what type of support may make the most sense going forward.
Your answers to these questions can provide helpful context to your loved one’s medical provider, who might be able to give you insights about when memory care would be an appropriate consideration.
Choosing a Memory Care Community
A memory care community should offer more than a safe place for your loved one to live; it should support your loved one’s physical, cognitive, and emotional well-being.
When you tour memory care communities to see if they could be a good fit for your loved one, start with the facility itself: Is it clean, organized, and pleasant? You can also factor in small yet helpful touches, like rooms and doors being clearly labeled with words and pictures. Be aware of security features like main doors that can only be opened with a code, and see if there’s an enclosed outdoor area for residents.
Crucially, you should focus on the residents you see out in the hallways. Ask yourself if they seem happy and well cared for. Study interactions between residents and staff that you happen to observe. Do you come away with a good feeling? Trust your gut about what you think could be best for your loved one.
When speaking with administrators, get clarity about the staff’s training and experience with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Find out how care plans are created and updated as residents’ needs change — and whether family members are informed whenever a care plan is altered.
In addition to learning more about residents’ daily routines, dining, activities, and medication management, it’s also wise to learn how that memory care community addresses changes in a resident’s behavior. For instance, if your loved one is showing increased irritability, will the community offer more activities to help them release some energy or even provide medication to help manage moods?
If frequent communication between your family and the facility is important to you, be clear about that up front.
These details can tell you a lot about whether a community will feel like the right fit for your loved one and your family as a whole.
Find a Caring Community for Your Loved One
For many families, there’s no single “right time” to transition a loved one to memory care. But when your loved one’s current living situation is no longer providing the safety, support, structure, or quality of life they need, you can rely on Longhouse Assisted Living Households as a compassionate memory care community that truly feels like a home.
We’ve designed our space to support the care and safety needs of people living with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, or memory loss without forfeiting a sense of warmth and community living. Our staff is specially trained in caring for people with these needs — and we pride ourselves on keeping families engaged.
We know that even when your loved one is in a memory care facility, they’re still a part of a family unit that loves them enough to get them the care they need.
Contact us today to tour a Longhouse home and see how we can help your loved one.
